Guy Tumblr Themes

My name is Jason and I'm a funny motherfucker.

basketc8se:

tbh a lot of jokes on tumblr that start out funny get rly annoying after a while but none pizza with left beef hasn’t gotten any less funny in like two years and I’m not sure why

gracefully-found:

crydaisy:

Oh cool a sKY DEMON AWAKENS

This is one of the coolest pictures I have ever seen.

gracefully-found:

crydaisy:

Oh cool a sKY DEMON AWAKENS

This is one of the coolest pictures I have ever seen.

elysedc:

The ultimate dad joke compilation

padalecki-party:

blackichigo1:

LMAOOO HAHAHA

this was the greatest joke I have ever heard

nostalgiaultra:

Gary’s Sex Tips #1002

If she calls out her ex boyfriend’s name in bed go to his house and kiss him. See what the dick about! See what all the fuss is about!

master-bruce-wayne:

This is exactly why we have this technology

ottermatopoeia:

that’s his bed now

metrowolf:

tastefullyoffensive:

This is what happens when you don’t separate your colors and whites.[via]

my dryer is on fire. I better snap chat that shit

metrowolf:

tastefullyoffensive:

This is what happens when you don’t separate your colors and whites.

[via]

my dryer is on fire. I better snap chat that shit

queensuperwholock:

gingergiggles:

paimon001:

nachosinthetardis:

there are nice americans

there are rude americans

there are nice brits

there are rude brits

there are nice canadians

there’s justin bieber

Every year on Canadian Thanksgiving, we perform a ritual to purge ourselves of our rudeness, Bieber absorbs it all. He was never meant to escape, we are sorry.

He was never meant to escape.

…I’ve only seen this legendary post in screenshots

(I work the floor at an independently-owned menswear store. The owner, my boss, spends a lot of time at the shop, and tries to keep prices as low as possible to help our city’s large homeless population get good job interview clothes. A clearly homeless man is wandering around the store. The other patrons are giving him looks.)
Customer: “Excuse me, sir?”
Me: “Yes, ma’am?”
Customer: “I think you may want to call security. That… bum over there, he keeps feeling the suits and muttering to himself. I’m just sure he’s planning to steal one.”
Me: “Well, ma’am, I think that’s quite unlikely.”
Customer: “Oh, come on, you know how they are! I mean, I’d keep an eye on him even if he wasn’t homeless!”
(The homeless man in question happens to be Hispanic.)
Me: “We don’t discriminate here, ma’am.”
Customer: “Well, I’m sure the owner would want to hear about this!”
(I give in and call him over. The customer explains her concerns. As a black man, my boss isn’t happy with her racism, but agrees to talk to the homeless man.)
Owner: “Excuse me, sir, are you finding what you need?”
Homeless Man: “Well, not really. I’m hoping for something versatile in a dark or navy wool, but most of the options in my size are cut American style instead of European, which fits me a little better. Not to mention they’re all pinstriped, which I really don’t have the build for, you know?”
Owner: “I… yes, I understand. I think we may have some options over here, if you’ll follow me. How did you know all that?”
Homeless Man: “Back before I lost my job, I used to be really into this stuff. I’m not looking for anything fancy, just something I can use to look good for a job interview later today.”
(My boss helps him find something he likes, and comes to the counter with him. The suit is priced at $87.)
Homeless Man: *digging in his pockets* “Hang on, I think I’ve got enough.”
Owner: *to me* “Take my card. I’m buying it for him.” *to the homeless man* “Here. The suit’s yours, on one condition. After your interview today, you come back and apply for a job here too. Got it?”
Homeless Man: “I… oh my God, thank you. Thank you so much.”
(Two years later, that formerly-homeless man is my manager, and has a little girl with his new wife—the owner’s sister.)